"Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."- Joshua J. Marine

               There are so many words that I could use to describe this past semester (including stressful), but none of them would do it quite the justice it deserves. As previously mentioned in another post, I always loved the subject of English (in an educational institution) my entire school career up until high school. To put it bluntly, high school ruined my admiration for English and quickly became my most hated subject (sorry Professor Brady) and I dreaded each class; it easily became my worst final grade average each year that I had to suffer through it. I even hated English when I started college, but then I met Professor Brady. I chose her as my English teacher due to many good reviews on rate my professor and did not mind the comments about the amount of work because each anonymous student had also mentioned how much they learned and if you try your hardest and you take her class seriously, you will no undoubtedly get an A. I immediately picked her class with excitement and on the very first day, I realized I had no idea what I was in for. As Prof. Brady screamed in our ears and used her hands while talking more than a deaf person (don't worry I'm allowed to make that joke), I realized a strong, robust, and projecting Italian woman stood before me and only then did I realize what I got myself into. The thing is, I don't mean any of this in bad taste. It was because of the realization that I actually took into consideration what those anonymous students has said on the website, and I now understood why they said "this class is not an easy A" (anonymous). 
               While at times I found it frustrating and, to be honest, a bit overwhelming, this class and the work we have done in the class gave me an "end of the year" outcome that I never planned to have. I did not only regain an appreciation for the English subject in an educational institution, but I regained my ability for deep comprehension of literature and connecting that to myself and my own emotions, thoughts, and perceptions; something I had ditched trying long ago. Furthermore, I developed an ability to critically think and to push myself to be as open minded and insightful as possible in ways that I haven't before. I began entering into intellectual debates with others in the outside world and was able to prevent myself from being seemingly ignorant in many fashions through my use of making clear and concise points with detail and also an extended use of vocabulary.
               Professor Brady taught me that literature is for more than just in a classroom and to get graded on trivial quizzes or typed up essays; it is for the outside world we all currently live in and will continue to thrive in. This class has taught me that everything intertwines in life, and literature and a deep understanding of it will help us to develop ourselves sufficiently mentally to help us understand and deal, for lack of a better word, with life and all the beautiful things and all the horrific things that come with it. This world is more than just you and I, or those sitting in a classroom; and those who are ignorant to the omnitude (in other words, the whole enchilada) of the world that surrounds them  will inevitably fade into oblivion.
               To conclude my very last and final words ever to be typed for this class, I want to thank Professor Brady for introducing me into an entire new perspective and reminding me that it does not do to live in one's own bubble; although easier, it is never wise. Humanity is complex and sometimes we get bruised and scarred when we're forced to hurdle through obstacles, but if you realize that we are all in this game together and all facing the same inevitability, it makes the journey a whole lot easier. To live inharmonious with one another means to live inharmonious with one's self; solidarity really is key. We should not turn on one another but instead help each other; life is not easy for anybody no matter what they are struggling with and as the saying goes, "we're all in the same game just different levels; dealing with the same hell just different devils"(Big D). So with that said, it is up to every individual to help pick them up and continue on this never ending marathon. And besides, you never know if it is you that needs to be helped up.

Thanks for a great semester, Brady!

"No one you love is ever truly lost."- Ernest Hemingway

               One last lecture topic that peaked my interest and challenged me to think deeply about was the introduction to Ernest Hemingway's Hills Like White Elephants. Professor Brady began the introduction lecture by providing us with the beautiful quote previously stated in the title. At first, it was hard for me to define what Hemingway might have meant when he had stated those words but after deeply thinking (and Prof. Brady's consistent inquiry for our insight) and repeating the words inside my head, I drew a few conclusions.
               There are many ways in life that you can 'lose' somebody (although some say you can never truly 'have' anybody) and some may be more painful than others and some may be equally as painful. Regardless of how or why, the loss of a loved one is never easy, nor does it get easier. The most important thing to remember, and to ensure we do not completely break ourselves in the grieving process, is that no one is never truly lost; and I think that is what Hemingway was trying to tell us. Whether it was a mother or father, or a grandparent or uncle, or maybe a sibling or a child, or maybe a significant other or even a beloved pet, the live forever in our hearts, in our minds, and in our souls. They cease to exist only when we let them. It's not a question of immortality by physical means, but it is a fact of immortality through the powers of the human mind; the powers that we are capable of that extend well beyond our cognizance.
               We can lose others in more ways than one; whether it be death or another means of separation. There is a reason that profound people will tell you that a detrimental form of separation other than death can almost feel like a death, and the grieving and coping process is extremely similar. The idea of losing anyone is extremely painful and poignant; a pain that can is both emotional and physical. When a person is loved, and I mean truly loved by the whole heart of the individual who loves them, whether they separate through means of a break up or by means of distance or even death; any form of an end to communication does not mean the end of everything. That person, near or far, dead or alive, lives on through memories and through our spirits. Each and every person, whether they believed they have (or had) a purpose, leaves an ineradicable footprint on this earth and in the lives and hearts of those they touch-- and that makes all the difference.

               This lecture touched my heart because I recently lost my grandfather who passed away last summer. This enlightened me to remember that although he is gone physically, he will always be with me in spirit and in memories and as long as I never forget him and keep him alive in my own way and tell stories of him, I will never truly lose him and he will always find a way to be with me.

R.I.P Salvatore Buccella, beloved husband, father, and grandfather.

"It was better than my heart on my sleeve; it was my heart on a page."- Aileen Buccella

               Another lecture topic I found I was able to relate very easily to was the topic of creative outlets and the enormous impact of silence on a person's psyche. This lecture was based off of The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins-Gillman and was a very informative and powerful introduction. The reason this lecture resonated with me was because not only did it help me to better understand the actions of the main character when I read the short story, it helped me to understand my own actions, as well. We were asked to discuss creative outlets; what are they and why are they important? We also discussed whether or not we had our own creative outlet and if so, what it was. It helped me to think about thought about my own creative outlets and, although I no longer have time for it, how long it persisted with me and even grew with me.
               Some people paint and draw, others create music or simply just listen, and some even do a physical activity such as exercising or gardening. For me personally, my outlet has always been writing (much to your surprise) and blogging. Growing up, I always loved to write and English was my strongest subject in elementary school and more so into middle school (until it got too complicated in high school). I wrote short stories and even a small book (they weren't very good they actually kind of sucked) and as I started going through the life-changing awkward stages of adolescence, I saw a peculiar change in my writing. I started to be able to write about emotion and thought and put the words that floated around and bounced all over my head onto a blank sheet of paper. It fascinated me how I could turn a meaningless blank, white, empty piece of paper made from a chopped up tree into a palpable form of intangible words and thoughts that existed only in my head; blocked out from the outside world-- to be seen and heard by others-- that is now made to be possible. I expressed my thoughts and emotions through writing and through pictures and quotes and poetry; everything as visual as possible and I could see what I was feeling. I have spent a great deal of time journaling (I've had the same journal since second grade, Maria loves it because it is Harry Potter themed) and writing down my thoughts and emotions whether they were happy or sad. As I grew older and became more technology savvy, I turned to online blogging and an amazing website named Tumblr. To this day, as I scroll through pictures, GIFs, and written posts and quotes by others, Tumblr has been my number one and favorite outlet; helping me to find others who can empathize with my emotions as well as posting my own thoughts whether privately or publicly shared with the Tumblr world. It was almost like therapy except I didn't have to tell anyone and force myself to be vulnerable; all I had to do was write it down and it was a releasing feeling, like first opening the top to a shaken up carbonated soft drink.
               This lecture helped me to realize the importance of an outlet to the human psyche. I thought deeply about what I would have done if I myself did not find an outlet to express built up and cultivated emotions or thoughts. We thoroughly discussed the damage what the suppression and silence of thoughts and emotions can do to someones mental stability; one needs some form of an outlet one way or another, it is simply impossible to survive with out one. The main character in The Yellow Wallpaper snaps mentally because she is denied the ability to talk about her emotions and thoughts and is not even allowed to write them down or express them in any form, thus causing her to burst and drive insane like rough water breaking down a dam. Each person has one whether they realize it or not and it is something that is not chosen on a whim but is developed over time as we develop as humans and our thoughts and emotions mature with us. We only realize it when it hits us one day how important one single action that you do is to yourself that may not be important to others and that is what you never let go of. Whatever it is you come to realize, never let go of it and never let anybody tell you that you need to stop; they do not live in your mind and in your body-- your health depends on it.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”- Albert Einstein

               One lecture discussion that resonated with me was discussing time periods throughout history, what type of society thrived in those time eras, and what type of literature was being produced. As we discussed each era and the works of literature written during them, it made me realize how much a written work can reflect the time period in which they wrote in. This lecture helped me to piece the puzzle together and realize what society was like in different time periods based on the literature in which they were written in and helped me to better understand all of the written works I have read throughout my life time (i.e., The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald written in a time period that revolved around the pursuit of the American dream). The lecture also helped me to better understand the generation I currently live in and helped me gain objective, outside, and unbiased perspectives instead of my own subjective perspective. Learning about my generation also helped me to realize the parallels between us and modern pop culture, as well as the types of literature being produced.

               Aside from literature and the time period it was written in, it further continued into connections in my current life. I grew up with maternal grandparents from an entirely different culture than that of modern American culture, thus a lot of strict rules and regulations were placed upon me growing up. For a long time, I struggled with the thought that I never have and never will be able to live up to their expectations, and tried incessantly to please them or find a way to make them proud and to make them realize that I was not a horrible and detestable being. As I grew older, I learned to realize and accept that I will never please them or ever be perfect in their eyes, so why try? I realized that the most important thing was that I felt good enough for myself and I knew that in comparison to others around me (not to toot my own horn but), I was actually not the runt of the litter; I was actually different in the best way possible. It no longer mattered to me if my family did not dwell in modern society and American culture; I knew the difference and I was proud of myself whilst knowing I had a wonderful mixture of both cultures.

               What furthered my knowledge about my situation is really learning about the different time periods because not only did my maternal family grow up in a different culture, they were raised in a completely different time period, as well. A time period that had different familial standards, societal standards, and educational standards. Who was I to blame them for expecting me to be certain ways? They literally lived a completely different life; a much more conservative life as opposed to modern American liberal and unorthodox society. No matter how hard I tried or will try, I will never shake them of their beliefs, opinions, or values-- those are hard wired in them. This helped me to not only open my eyes, but to truly understand what has been attempted to be forced and imposed upon me since childhood. I no longer hold an angry stigma (at least not all the time) towards my maternal family because I can truly understand their perception by stepping outside of my own, which is the key to successful communication. Although perception was discussed in a different lecture, it was this specific lecture that made everything click together in my head. It has helped me accept that I am not immoral or miscreant, I am normal. I have accepted that I have always tried to be my very best me but still tried to please others, and I learned that I will never be able to please every single person around me, especially not them. I was judged by them based on their own values and opinions, not by my own nor the morals and values of the environment I live in and was given no flexibility; leaving me to feel inadequate and led me to be very scrupulous (which is not always a bad thing if done for the right reasons). It is best to be proud of who I am and know that I have taken all of the morals and values my maternal family has helped me develop while also blending them with my own time period and my own culture that I am living in. Just like a work of literature, I, too, am a product of my time period.